Zehavit_Lamasu’s blog

CARNIVAL by Elizabeth Bear was praise so highly everywhere I looked I just had to purchase it. But the minute I took a close glance of the blurb I hesitated lengthily and only recently dared dipping my toe in it. And it burrrrnnnnned! Initially anyway.

You see the book is set in a future when environmentalistically minded AI governs the earth. The radicals who designed this monstrosity and unleashed it on the overly populated and natural resource depleated planet didn't quite percieved the concequences. Or perhaps they did - no one knows because they are now long dead. Leaving behind them a sentient technology that essentially decimated the population seeing as... well... it is bad to the environment this resulted in a series of ASSESMENTS in which humanity was judged individual by individual by how constructive they might be and how environmentally friendly. Most of course are found lacking... nothing new there - we only have to look at the internet to come to the conclusion that humans are shit... nevertheless as someone who is rather fond of the human race with all its downfalls I found this very chilling to the extreme. Especially when something like a description of the use of bodies as a renual material for oil wells is mentioned off handadly.

The chilling factor of this was not in the actual genocide (and it didn't escape me that as a regular user of disposable nappies I am probably prime material for casual vaporising!) but by the level of stupidity attributed to the entire population of earth... My initial thought was: ... you allowed this to happen BECAUSE??? I just can't percieve a situation when human beings would become so docile and coplying to mass murder en-mass... I wasn't convinced ... for five minutes before I realised most people are indeed (in the words of Will and Gaston from Brethern and Matelots) SHEEP! Thus rendering the situation highly plausable... and I was chilled!

This of course led to a series of diaspora expedition from Earth resulting in some experimental and inventive new cultures in other star systems. One of them is the Amazonian planet ruled by women... wow - I would have never figured that out from the name XD. Men are kept as low class citizens bordered on slaved and used to fight each other in order to gain placements in good female households where they can join a harem. How this came to be and wether or not the original men on the planet had anything to say about this is not important. Sci Fi that explains every detail can be tiresome to the extreme and I like a natural "dropping" into a setting as it is. So this is all good... appart from the headache inherent in Gender literature.

You see - the Earth under the AI Governor has retrograded back to gender inequality leaving women in a weaker position again. They find it hard to ascend to politcal positions and shovinism reigns supreme yet again... I yawned but thankfully we didn't linger on this cliche.

Earth after getting rid of the majority of its population decides that expansionism is positive and environmentaly friendly because this way we don't screw up just one planet - we screw up MANY and more is better than less no matter what policy you uphold as holy! So they form a planetary coalition which conquers and assimilate the escaped cultures , by force or by political negotiation.

Planet Amazonia is next in line. They have something the enviromentally minded AI desire most of all. A seamingly clean and inexhaustible source of energy which they are reluctant to part with its secret. For this purpose the Coalition sends a spaceship loaded with stolen art done solely by women artists as a gesture of good will and two politicians to negotiate the exchange of knowledge and technology.

Amazonian will of course refuse discussing anything with MALES unless they are GENTLE... that is GAY for you lot. So in steps Vincent Katherinesen and Michaelangelo Osiris Leary Kusanagi Jones... and I thought my son's name: Raphael Barak Franciss Jonathan Huddy was a long name... oh wait! IT IS!!! XD.

Homosexuality is of course a crime on Earth again because when a civilization takes a fall in Sci Fi - it immediately goes homophobic ... so authors can enjoy the angst such ordeal entails... honestly my gay friends - you go the way of the Jew! You loose the priviliges of angst when no one tries to ruin your life legally anymore ¬_¬.

Nevertheless Vincent and Kusanagi-Jones are useful for the coalition and they are thus sent on political erands away from the planet so obssesed with the desires of their back side. The beauty here is in how they are dismissed by both sides due to their sexual preferances and are being utterly underestimated by both earth (for being weak minded) and by Amazonia (for being weak bodied and non agressive). which works for their advantage because they are, infact, very skilled in weaponary, fighting and general nifty spying and they are both cunning and astute and not affraid to play dirty. It puts them a step ahead of both the Coalition which they have doubt regading and Amazonia which they also have issues with... and it is only a step and not always ahead because everyone is equally filled to the brim with cunning and plots.

One amusing factor about personalities in this book is how no one have ISSUES - they all have AGENDAS! no really there is all this political rightousness floating in the air but at least it isn't mired in 20th century biased and the author doesn't take sides easily. It can get a bit much , like a manifest occasionaly but thankfully the plot sweeps it aside - especially towards the end.

The protagonists are both emphatic which saved them from assesment with Kussanagi Jones having the edge of being a LIER who can project false emotions and impressions (which came in handy when he underwent medical therapy to cure him of his homosexuality).

The plot takes time to pick up and I will not spoil it here for you. Despite both themes of Environmentalism and Feminism which often drive me up the wall and served for much of my discomfort with the book in this case too, it eventually picks up more or less half way through the book and from then on the twists come thick and fast and are very effective and entertaining. It is in fact turns from a book that is a bit of a drag to a very gripping book. The build up is very slow but at least it serves to develope the characters. They are both very interesting and the little nuances in their comunication are quite interesting. They make convincing politicians and I utterly LOVED the fact they are not young... still handsome but not young. I loved the history they have together and I loved the fact they seperated for 17 years. Oddly, in such alien setting, this was possibly the most unusual aspect of all. Only Mel Keegan done this successfuly before in Fortunes of War and even he/she left them in their prime. There is much talk of a failed diplomatic mission in their past, possibly sabotaged, hints of betrayals and mistrusts.

The mysteries also piled up. The elusive source of inexhastable power, the morphing organic architecture of Amazonia, the oddly inteligent dragonlike pets and the unexplained dissapearance of the original inhabitants of aformentioned organic habitats.

My main issue (not AGENDA *snerks*) with the book is the way it deals with technology. The author doesn't make it easy for you to understand how it works or what it is. I am sure it is clear to the writer - I am sure seasoned sci fi veterans would swim in it at leasure but I found it a bit of a stretch and I DO read piles of the stuff. It took me ages to realise that the Politicians are using a "wardrobe" which employs some nano technology called FOG. Essentially a programmed material that forms itself into clothes, regulates bodily chemistry dishing up medicine and stimulants as required, can be used as camoflage and bulet proof shield (useful) and can also ASSESS the subject using it instantly ... that KILLS if you didn't clue up... it took me awhile I asure you!

Mind you once I figured the whole wardrobe thing... well... I WANTED ONE! NOOOOW!!! Danger of vaporization be hanged! I want to dress up in full fop gear at a press of a button... makes going out of the house in style without the fear of baby food stains !!!:D:D:D

The lingo is too technical, too unfamiliar and too complicated. Leaving it all terribly unatural and a bit of a handful when you just want to get on with the story. It really interfear. The writing reflects this with dialogues that are often incomplete leaving you guessing as to what the characters meant or thought and sometimes you come across a sentence like:

At the end of the Vigil, those remaining on Earth had been culled, using parameters set by the radicals who had created the Governors and died to teach them to kill." (pp.135)

I gave up on the sentence after the third attempt of figuring out the WTF angle. I kept going but it left a cloying residue at the back of my mind making me feel inadequate which I don't like feeling when reading a book. This is sadly, not an isolated example and there is ample use of words I needed a dictionary to understand... It is never a good sign to read a book that suggest the author ate a thesorus for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It alienated me but I endured because the plot IS very very good indeed and it is actually worth plodding through to the end because it is, too, quite brilliant.

So on the whole - this is a GOOD book. Not my type of book but I enjoyed it in the end despite all this. It is good to read occasionally out side the sub genre I am used to and I hope I kept this in mind when tackling this. If you like these themes and can forgive some awkward and overly complicated terminology and info dumping then this book is for you.

I wouldn't recomend it to everyone but I WOULD recomend it to some. I know few people who will revel in this book. It is not perfectly executed but it is unique... suprisingly because ALL the themes has been done before ad-nauseum. It just shows that an author CAN breath new life to themes already done.

I liked the book. Not LOVED it but I don't feel my time was wasted and it is not a book I will forget in a hurry. It left me uncomfortable most of the time but it left an impression.

If you think you can tackle it - go ahead and give it a try... you might be smarter than me (but I warn you I DO have a nano technology fetish AND machinary fetish and I was still lost quite often!) you might be able to breeze through and enjoy all the twists and turns without being held back.

X posted to my LJ

OKIES!

Any children book that isn't affraid to use a phrase like "Municipal Darwinism" would automatically get my thumbs up. This also goes for any book that isn't affraid being really tough on its young protagonist and doesn't shelter its young readers from cuelty and hardship.

MORTAL ENGINES by Philip Reeve does all this and much much more. It messes nicely with your head and makes you beg for more. It also makes you build really strange models out of your son's Lego and wonder what your town would like to eat if it had wheels... or is it just me

And this IS a children book. You can sit around and justify the fact you are enjoying something written for a younger audience by calling it YOUNG ADULT book and it will still be a children book. I hate the YOUNG ADULT definition. What you need in order to read a children book is the ability to understand that children literature is often just as complexed and challenging, if not more, than adult one and that children can COPE with difficult themes and convoluted plots. So you actually need to grow up and admit that reading children fiction is GOOD!!! Some of the best in sci fi and fantasy comes from there... and yes, I also mock mercilessly anyone who need to buy Harry Potter with the adult cover just so people on the bus won't think - goddess forbid!!! - that they read a children book! *snerkness!*

The glory of this book (first in a 4 book series... only read the first) is , for me at least, in the construction of the world. It has MOBILE CITIES!!! :D:D:D

It starts on London who is now bustling alone puffing steam and smoke and is about to devour a small mining town who is running away. It is a city eats city world where towns travel from hunting ground to hunting ground sucking resources out of the decemated earth and chomps up smaller and weaker settlements in order to rob them of their materials. Everything is torn down and used to keep the traction city going from raw material to slave labour.

I did't instantly figure out how far in the future this is all set until the young protagonist, apprentice to the Historian guild is running through a museum and passing by some 35th century ceramics. You don't recieve a lecture. No information is spoon fed to you. You are dumped in the reality of the story and left to piece up the past from conversations and off handed remarks. You learn quickly about the 60 minute war that left the world singed, continents dead and scavenging archaeologist hunting for old technology and engineers patching up those technologies to build up moving cities, flying ships and weapons.

I love this style of story telling - especially when done well. It immediately immerses you in the story and makes the characters a lot more natural.

The characters in this book are also quite unique. No one is excempt from biases. No one is perfect. From main characters being seriously deformed to the main boy exhibiting biases inherent in his upbringing even when he is faced with the treachery of people he admired and even when in full view of atrocities performed by the city he adores. Until the last moment of the book he is convinced in the rightousness of his old way of life. He is a lot more human that most protagonist. The girl who he ends up sharing his adventure with has a mutilated face and is beset by hatred and a sense of revenge that would usually be associated with someone twice her age. It all makes for a bit of an uncomfortable character but a brilliant one at that.

Within the first chapter the protagonist finds himself thrown out of The Traction City of London, leaving him abandoned with an unlikely companion, he is betrayed by his hero, facing slavers, spies, pirates and rebels forcing him to re-asses the way he thought the world worked. In the city itself the daughter of said treatorous hero is doing her own investigation which takes her all the way to the bowels of the town and gets you to see how it all works. It is grit and steam, oil and ... excrement. Cruel and genius in equal measures.

There is the mystery of MEDUSA. A piece of old technology which seem to have sinister implications and an artificial human killing machine in search of the young scarred girl and her companion.

See what I mean? Not a long book but it cramms a lot in and twists and bound it all together. It is great from how nasty and uncompromising the portrayal of both the setting and human nature all the way to how well the technology is described and how all this long history is dropped in through the very shattered knowledge the characters have of it.

Science Fiction at its very best and I found it on the children section in a local bookstore (OK... not so local - I went to Exeter to buy it XD). I have the next 3 volumes and I can't wait to tackle them but first I must finish reading CARNIVAL so I can go back into the swing of gay fiction reviews.

Oh and yeah - I think of this book as Steampunk even though technically it is not ... being NOT in victorian times and not exclusively using victorian technology... but you know - it is almost as mind boggeling to pinpoint what makes Steampunk as it is to define Magical Realism. It has the FEEL is all I can say...

And that is enough to make Lamasu orgasm noisily in the corner - HUZZAH!

That was the most hasty review I ever done... I bet it is shit...

IT IS A WONDERFU BOOK - GO READ!!!:D:D:D

X posted to my LJ

Actually - I didn't buy this book for the cover although it is right up my Gervasio Gallardo street of the sureal.  My mum dropped it in my bag when I was in Paris promising me I will love it... my mum knows me well ^__^.  (oh wait did I ruin the end of this reveiw again?)

I didn't plan to read it for awhile but CARNIVAL by Elizabeth Bear was proving a bit of an effort (Gender Sci-Fi... Erg!  Doesn't taste much better with gay men in it...not sure will be finishing it to write a review.) In a moment of desperation, trying to untangle my brain from overly done future technologies, gender politics and excruciatingly detailed... everything!!! I decided to try something less challenging...

Less Challenging I did NOT get.  BOOK OF CREATION by Sara Blau (lame name comparing to the Hebrew which doesn't translate well being something like: "The Desire of the Heart of Earth" or romanized Hebrew : Yetzer Lev Ha'Adama), is one of those books that sets to make you as uncomfortable as possible.  It is dark, nasty, probing into you like a surgical knife, digging everything you don't like about yourself and lays it before you naked and exposed.  It is gothic without being emo and twisted to the verge of disgust yet never crossing the line into unbearable.

Think old victorian horror with the extra bodily juices of modern literature.  Think Frankanstein meets the Golem of Hebrew Myth in modern day Israel... which is EXACTLY What this is and a lot more.

I don't know why I never spotted the similarities between the legend of the Golem of Prague and Frankensteing but when I laid eyes on the quote at the begining of the book I had this "Aaaaah!"  moment marked with an acute feeling of stupidity.  It is very obvious.  They are both stories of a  man made person goes wrong of course, but they are also stories about human vanity, desire for divinity and the confrontation with the self.  Both ending with tragedy and both in the end... annoyingly moral.

BOOK OF CREATION turns the entire concept inside out, upside down and out of the window too. 

SPOILERS AHOY!!!!  Do not continue beyond this point if you think you might Read this book someday...

The protagonist of the story (yeah - so sorry been reading a lot less GAY this month but most of it was not worth mentioning!so you get HET today) is an overweight, oily skinned, limp haired woman, filled with self loathing and fear, who lies to get herself out of awkward situations.  She compulsively eat her way through the fridge every time she is stressed or upset which is very often.  Her family looks down upon her.  The girls she teaches history at a girl school bully her and eventually, the man she loved all her life since childhood turns to the arms of a cruel, beautiful and successful relative who uses the fact to torment her.  The resentment within and without culminate in a level of hatred so dark it feeds her inner desire until she can finally go against all the warnings, all the threats and all the doubts and created a man out of earth.

The story is told from her point of view but the voice shifts constantly. Most of the story is told in first person but the protagonist turns to have convestation with herself or steps completely out of her body to look at the situation and comment on it from the outside.  This would be clumsy and awkward in the hands of most authors but effortless in the hands of this writer.  It makes the whole story more free, the internal monologue more painful and condemning.  It puts you straignt in her skin and  it is not a comfortable place to be in but in a strange way, compelling and attractive.

This is a first book written by a religious woman, which surprised me because it is filled with sexual desires, darkness and a critical eye at Jewish life and practices in Israel.  I tend, in my own biased way to read mostly Hebrew literature written by atheist or at least non-devout authors so this was a big change. 

It starts at the funeral of the main character grandmother, the weather is festering hot and hints are dropped here and there about the unatural way the body was found, of a night in the cemetery, dressed in a stolen wedding dress with a cousin she is in love with who is now full of loathing towards her after years shared in deep friendship.  Allusions to the forbidden Sefer Yetzira (LOL- I so have a kosher copy of that here - I'ma gonna make me a sex slave from mud tommorow XD) and whispers about mysterious events during the Warshaw Gettoh Uprising in which her grandmother, the family rabbi and few of the funeral attendants took part.

She seem to be accused of foul doings by absolutely everyone, sunned by friends and family as an abomination, suffers at the hands of her students and confronted daily by the reality of her unpleasant reflection.  She turn her self loathing on her parents she sees as embarrasing failures and it culminates in a Passover dinner (what else... you thought I was the only one who thought that holiday was forged in the devil's burning arshole after eating a concoction of hot chillies and hellish prunes???) - she gets drunk and does something I always wanted to do and drink the wine from the cup set for the prophet Elija (WOO HOO!  MY KINDA WOMAN!!! :D:D:D) to the horror of the family, then heads to the kitchen where she finds her cousin snogging her best friends/other cousin... upon which she pukes on them violently and heads to the cemetary.

There out of the simmering emotions and supressed desires she finally succeeds in creating a Golem. 

She takes him home when she is confronted with a problem - she doen't want him to serve her.  She wants to fall at his feet and be his slave.  She falls in lust with his body and in love with the trapped rage and frustration of his existence, the rebelion in his perfect body and the violent of his nature .  Despite all this he cares for her gently and she finally gives way to her sexual nature which she and everyone around her, yet in a fit of writing genius NOT YOU (the reader), view as dirty and evil.

The unatural birthing of such a creature unbalance nature, heat wave swoop over the neighbourhood, flowers bloom out of season, deformed creatures appear and people die in  unatural ways... and the heroine slowly grows more attractive.  And through all this the events of the past slowly unfold in the full glory of their horror.  And you as the reader realise that despite the condemnation and the horrific consequences of her action the protagonist has created a creature meant for violence as a creature of love and it is ... just... heart-breakingly... BEAUTIFUL!!!

The ending is stunning.  I didn't see it coming.  I probably SHOULD have seen it coming but it smacked me in the face with full force and knocked me down.  I had to read the book again just to see how it weaved its way to the conclusion and it all happens in the last page.  The very last paragraph.

No spoiling but it is both bleak and liberating.  All the strings come together in one final act.  Everything makes sense.  Everything is revieled, devestated and resolved. And yet the ending remains open enough - best kind of ending!

I read shit loads of Hebrew Literature.  Most of it ends up in English and whilst I KNOW it looses much in translation - I still hope it would make it so other people can get at least a glimpse of the greatness. (afrer all - I read Garcia Marquez, Italo Calvino and Haruki Murakami in English and still love them even though they are not the original language and apparently - even badly translated!).

The only warning for anyone planning to take the first step into literature from my own country:  The use of language is often very descriptive.  Hebrew is a lean language with a vocabulary much smaller than European ones.  This leads to a very creative construction of sentences.  That style is responsible, probably, to the fact that a lot of Hebrew Literature is very much in the MAGICAL REALISM vein... if you don't like it - don't touch it.  I loooooooooooooove magical realism beyond words so even when not strictly of the genre - sureal metaphors work for me like a multiple orgasm after a decade in a desert with only cactuses for dildos!!!  The language itself is sexy - even when it describes a rotting wall or a decaying flesh.

This book is erotic just by the way it strings words together, it is gothic in a way that pulls darkness out of your churning internal organs.  It is a merciless book.  Very warped and very beautiful...

Most of the gay stuff I read lately bored me.  Other stuff left me shrugging. This blew me away... without having two men molesting each other  - what is the world coming too ?! XD

X posted on my LJ

If Will and Gaston who we follow from the last book BRETHERN, could not master up a metaphor to express their feelings they end up trying to murder each other and often they manage to do quite a decent job of the attempt.  Just because they finally manage to screw each other selsless  doesn't mean even REMOTELY that they are now less fucked up in the crazy department... oh no... they will need another book filled with animal alegories to solve their mutual head-scewiness... if ever... and WOO HOO do I love that :D:D:D

We are still in the West Indies after the rescue of Gaston from his torture in the hands of his doctor.  He is now roaming the woods in search of his sanity whilst Will is patiently waiting in a hut for his return so they can join their friends roving.  The old methods of running wild do not work so our protagonists decide to try the new method of ... talking... endlessly...with animal metaphors, alegories and similies...

This book taught me all I need to learn about Animal Symbolism. And I repeat:

Will: "You tried to rape me in the hammock last night!"
Gaston: "Ah Oui.. but it wasn't me! It was the horse within!"
Will:"I thought you were a centaur!"
Gaston: "Not the part that has a cock!"
Will: "I understand... what would you like me to do?".
Gaston: "Shut up and pass me the lube!"
Will: "I love it when you talk like a wolf!"

Only of course - done in much more lyrical florish.  I took to the language a lot better with this book because the story picked up very fast and there was not a little amount of snark on Will's part when conversing with people he doesn't like and a narative that uses a slightly archaeic language to talk some serious filth... read that dialogue between Will and Dickey when he is giving him advice about wooing The Bard or his remark to Pete about women who enjoy anal sex (followed by "but don't you dare buggering my sister or I slice you open with sharp things!!!"   again - not a direct quote so don't go looking for it in the book >_<).

The general plot of this book follow our two protagonists and the array of their comrades as they take part in Henry Morgan ambitious plots to raid Spanish towns.  It is the transitional age when the bands of Buccaneers slowly disintigrated and made way to the Golden Age of Piracy.  The tradition of the Brethern of the Coast is fading and on top of that more than one of the familiar gang find themselves faced with the reality of marriage.

This book isn't called MATELOTS for nothing. It studies the strengths and weaknesses of this arrangement from every possible angle. The author insists this is not a GAY novel because most of the characters are only gay by circumstances and favour women, which is of course true about both Striker and Gaston amongst many.  Still, Gay novels are not exempt from the "straight man goes gay" fantasy nor lacking in female characters so I shrugg the attempt to set it away from the genre.  It is however true to say that this is foremost a Historical novel and definately one of the best I read to date.  So a good research and a ballance of realism are essential and of course - no matter how much you live detached from reality when uppon the waves - when you step on land life comes rushing to engulf you. 

In this novel Striker has to face his attraction to women despite Pete's horror and Will has to marry for tactical reasons which causes not a small bit of trouble with Gaston.  But I would be ruining a lot more to you than I am about to do if I was to reveal all the detail.  Suffice to say that a great amount of brooding comes from this which is good AND some wonderful moments from Pete who is STILL my favourite character in all this (It took me all the way to the end of book 2 to realise that they call him THE GOLDEN ONE... Which is what my name means in Hebrew... HOHOHOH - I share a name with a hyper-active over sexed gorgeous blond bundle of violence - RESPECT MY PIRATE INVISICOCK!!! ... I get a distinct feeling my reviews will never make it to established publication... I wonder why...¬_¬).

Will and Gaston can now have sex of course and they are more in love than ever although very much still in the heavy shadow of their respective traumatic past and they spend hours analysing their troubled minds in between bouts of spectacular sex! 

Will's wisdom in matters of relationship does not reserve itself to himself and his matelot but extend to the entire crew of their ship.  He ends up giving counseling in matelotage, marriage and friendship to everyone around.  Whilst Gaston heals the physical wounds of their party during their adventures, Will proceeds to sort out their minds... in fact he is a little bit like Diana Troy in Star Trek TNG ...only with less boobs... and more cold blooded killing... and less hair...or maybe that is a bad analogy - I could probably call him a proto-Sigmund Freud on the open sea...a  historical maritime shrink in a way.

All this is done without making him TOO politically correct because he is certainly doesn't hesitate to hang someone purely for strategic advances or shoot a man before the eyes of his daughter and he goes ape-shit when an attempt at philantropy goes wrong and a couple of slaves he liberate goes homophobic on his arse and try to kill him when they find him and Gaston sodomising each other happily on a random beach!  It is good to see that their little bubble of happiness does burst occasionally when it meets REAL attitudes of the time.  It make things all the more interesting... not that there is  a dull moment in this novel. Trust me - theve isn't!

Talking and smexing really isn't the only thing the heroes of this story do.  They tie each other up, break jaws, slice their friends, duel and do surgery... all the good things in life if you ask me.  It has funky sisters, talented lesbians and drunken brides.  It has PETE!!! Who talks too fast and glomps people and love cheese cake and pies and wonders what the people on the moon are like. I want to be him!!!

The side characters take a far more central role in this tale which is a good thing because so many of them are very intriguing, all with their own past and stories which of course, they hide when running off to life at sea.  Their triumphs and tragedies unfold and they too are given decent angst time.  And one can NEVER have enough brooding pirates.  So HUZZAH to a plethora of new emotionally scarred buccaneers. Striker and Pete narative is especially gripping and the lovely part at the very end when an un-expected character from the past shows up in the heat of battle.

But of course the thing most abandunt in this book is the animal metaphor so we must return to this aspect again.  In the previous books Will and Gaston divided the world into WOLVES and SHEEP and likened themselves to CENTAURS.   In this book they expanded their zoo to accomodate a lion, a dryad some bulls a couple of hogs and above all HORSES.  Hence the dialogue above.  their metaphorical explorations allow them to face Will's sexual abuse at the hand of his cousin and Gaston's horrific flogging by his father and since, as any good analyst would tell you, the problem is always more far reaching and complex than it appears, they unravel one strand of memory to find ten more tangles of emotional troubles and they ... have to... find metaphors OUTSIDE the animal kingdom and therefore we end up with a CART and a CAVE and much more.

It all ended up infusing my brain with strange mathematical like images and I found myself contemplating a coffee break  along the following lines:

If a centaur sails into the kitchen at 3 knots per minute and a sheep flies with the milk at 10 miles per hour - how much sugar can the wolf eat... IF THE HORSE STOLE ALL THE TEA BAGS!!!

There has to be an answer to such burning questions!!!  Or possibly the Lamasu answer to this would be:  The arse of a pirate  knows how to speak - but fucking becomes it much more!   ... but that would be such a crude thing to say in the face of such lyrical philosopy... so I will refrain... oh wait >_< .

There are some precious moments in this book... appart from the occasional midnight hammock raping session (no - no one rapes the hammock - smartarses!), most have to do with sex therapy- like Gaston daily regime of preparing Will's arse for future penetration (look - I am NOT making this up ok?).  I took the liberty to comprise a piratey time table:

9:00 - wake up with hang over, take a leak , have breakfast
10:00 - sword practice
11:00 - manual anus stretching
12:00 - deal with Gaston whip phobia
12:10 - scrape Gaston off ceiling
12:30 - priraty stuff
20:00 - rum and smex shore leave
22:00 - ANGST
24:00 - talk about horses, sheep, cows, chicken... etc...

A PIRATE LIFE FOR ME PLEASE SIR CAN I HAVE SOME MORE SIR...

It is a known fact that the more disorderly and incoherent a Lamasu review is the better the book is... sooooo... this one is superb.  Cannot wait for the final instalment of this trilogy!!!

Sing with me Will: "OOOOOH I am the pirate shrink!  And it is IT IS a glorious thing to be a pirate Shrink!"

There was a point there somewhere but I lost it... someone should make a metaphor about it...

Xposted to my LJ

I love this cover a lot and if I didn't, for some inexplicable reason - had a natural reluctance to form icons off Western published novels I would have cut out that lovely head and had a line from Hudson Hawk scrawled at the bottom.  I am not sure what damadge that knife can actually do.  My kitchen knife is a lot deadlier... perhaps he is poised to castrate Felix - Goddess knows the man was asking for it throughout the book.

Did I mention I lurv Felix?  I love him even more now that he exchanged the crazy for the snarky.  What a delightful bastard he turned out to be.  Utterly uncompromising if occasionally appologetic - a man who is aware of his bitch within yet knows he can not subdue her.  He actually says that to Mildmay at some point (in a far more refined manner than yours truely) and Mildmay just shrugs and goes: OK.

Mildmay outer mannerism would have likened him to a spineless zombie if not for his internal voice which is rather angry, ferocious and not in the least as stone-faced as Felix percieves him... but of course - Felix doesn't hear that inner voice , just as Mildmay does not hear Felix inner remorse and internal guilt over his own dealing with his brother.  That lack of communication is very pivotal to the twists and turns - ups and downs of their relationship ... of which there are plenty with tons of well disguised angst.  They don't claw at walls or mope in the rain but they do tear themselves into shreds from the inside which leads to a million and one more reasons to NOT understand each other and make more mistakes.

In real life I would have grabbed them by the scruff of the neck and hung them to dry on a washing line but real life would make a very poor fantasy novel.  Those two are just precious.  They make a superb couple ... albeit not a sexual one and all the more is the pitty.

Although Felix DOES kiss his brother ... did I mention that?

More on that later!

The plot of this tale starts more or less from the end of the previous book :  Mildmay leg is not recovering right leaving him more damadged than before and Felix is splitting his time between scholarly pursuits and the bedding of pretty men.  They set off eventually back to Melusine where Felix intends to re-instate himself as a Wizard of the Mirador and fix the Virtu - that magical artifact that is the source of protection and magic against the evil neighbouring empire ... could there ever be a fantasy book with no looming empires poised for conquest on one's door-step?  Actually I can think of three novels off by heart -  I just wanted to write that line because it amused me... and it is a running cliche of epic fantasies - one that works very well and may it live forever AMEN!

Main plot aside - the artistry of the last book to pull together all the tiny sub-plots and merge them together, manifest even more in this book.  If you thought there were loose ends - est assured they come together here.  If you thought some characters disapeared without explanation - worry not - they show up again.  If you thought some incidents where singular incidents which meant nothing to the plot... like the forming of the Labyrinth in Nara... worry not - they gain significance.  In fact - the writter weaves them so meticulously I was left gasping at some point because it is hard to surprise me with little details I forgot which suddently become important - I tend to have a good memory for details.  Sarah Monette manages to make every little thing that is mentioned significant to the plot so try to pay attention when you pick up the first book - it will be worth your time ^_^.

Felix also snogs Mildmay... on the bed... I know you wanted to know that...

I will come to this later!

I am usually bored of magical systems in Fantasy novels because they try too hard to be unique and they fail.  The main reason they fail is that the authors often cannot be arsed to develope them properly so they are quite intuitive and the learning of them is more or less left to the reader imagination. There is also a tendency to either have a unified magical method to the entire world or ascribe one method for each country  in the book.  It is not something that happens ALWAYS but it is a significant trend. 

These two books are different.  The Mirador has its own prefered magical methods, it shruggs  other diciplines as unworthy, it marks some, such as Necromancy , a heresy and it turns a blind eye to others.  The beauty is that other nations have their own preferances, they consider other diciplines a heresy, they do a lot to forget some magical schools and cause a natural loss of knowledge as a result.  Of course none of the methods is complete.  None is perfect.  None is fully understood.  Magic isn't something natural and easy. It is awkward at best, usually unstable and dangerous at worsst. There is no moment when someone just wave their arms and makes a big spell happen.  It needs preperation and researched and takes time to set.

It is all very interesting because Felix realises very early he needs to dip into many diciplines he is not trained in, in order to mend the Virtu.  He talks to people who practice different types of magic, pours over books for hours and generally speaking - takes a large chunk of the book to form that spell that might or might not put everything into right again.  The geek and book lover within indulged in this process almost as much as in his sexual torments and exploits.  Part of the fun was that Labyrinth magic play such a big part in it and I am quite bessotted with the idea.  Always was!

And then there is the issue of that kiss with Mildmay...

More on that in a bit!

There are some insanely brilliant moments in this book.  I didn't have issues with the pacing of MELUSINE like some readers had - mostly because, as I said, the very notion of proper pacing make me want to gauge people knee-cups out with a spoon!  But if you thought the first book was slow WHICH IT WAS NOT!!! then you would be glad to know that this one does not rest for a second.  It is very fast and it is scattered with little instances of pure joy... Such as Felix falling in the river only to be rescued by his brother and find himself unable to hide his hard-on to BOTH their horror.  Or Mildmay leaving the room after an argument to go to the whores leaving Felix sizzling.  Or Mildmay's assesment of his little bedroom as a CLOSET... Ahahah - Lamasu just couldn't resist that one and giggled every time he comented about going into the closet so he won't have to listen to Felix screwing his latest lover... oh Mildmay, Mildmay - I could hang so many skirts in your closet I could!!!

So that kiss?

They don't talk to each other much apart from Felix getting prissy and correcting Mildmay grammar to annoy him and so they are under the impression they do not care for each other which is not true, of course, they are utterly obssesed!  Mildmay percieves this as Brotherly Love, Felix is more in touch with his own cock and he actually tells Mildmay at one point that if he was inclined in the direction of men (and I must tell you - Mildmay fucks a few women here - one of which is uber-cool!!! :D:D:D) he wouldn't let incest get in his way.  Awkward moments abound as you can guess but proper communication lacks dramatically.  This leads Mildmay to believe that his brother would abandon him once they reach their destination and he offers himself for a magical bonding which will render himself more or less a slave to Felix commands.

Felix obliges albeit reluctantly and swears he will not abuse the link... which at this point you snort because you know that if it wasn't going to be abused somehow there would not be a point to form it ... and NO!  He doesn't order Mildmay to submit sexually - and I say again all the more is the pitty... but he DOES snog him in order to seal it... and what a great reluctant smooch it turns out to be.

I am with Mildmay here - not entirely convince that pressing him to the bed and checking his tonsils with a tongue is necessary but I enjoyed it just as much as Mildmay did but with far less reluctance.  Mildmay thoughts during the kiss about his brother excellent technique and his later reaction to the rumours about them being lovers make me wonder ... in a fangirlish kind of hopefullness... if the seeds for the incestual gay are sprouting in this novel... but too many novels leave it as a teasy subtext because they just don't dare - I hope this will plunge on in the same gritty, nasty and uncompromising manner it did so far and will finalize their relationship because there is no resolution for it in the second instalment (Third book out in August... not long to wait!).

What can I say - It is dark, it is complicated, it is masterfully written and bursting with tension. It doesn't give you a lot of time to breath and it doesn't spare the characters.  They are wounded and damadged and flawed both within and without and everyone is blind to the reality around them to a greater and lesser extent which means no one has the full information and often the ones that can dish that one helpful peach to the puzzles are extremely unpleasant people with nasty personal agendas.

You read the plot before - you just didn't read it like THIS and it makes a real difference and in my opinion makes this book and its predecessor HIGHLY original...

Can't wait for August.

X posted to my LJ on 14.5.2007

My musings constitute a BIG HUGE HUMANGUS MASSIVE spoiler.  It isn't a spoiler if you read the infinately better ARROWS series where the story of Vanyel the Last Herald Mage is told as a legend over and over rendering the ending of the story more predictable than it was.  It is also, to my recollection mentioned in the first book in a form of a vision... so you have to be really thick not to realise where the whole thing is heading.  Never the less. cut-tag and a series of dots to warn off those of you who made the mistake and followed the link from LibraryThing.

Also I will be repeating myself for the hundred time anyway so if you know me for more than a week you might want to skip... anyhowdy:

SPOILER ALLERT!!!
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OK?

So I am assuming that those who keep reading either read this book or have no intention of picking it up.

Vanyel Ashkevron is a little gay boy in a nobel family of not-gay-friendly folk.  His sword teacher smacks him about for being a bit Fey, his dad booms at him for being a limp doormat and he sulks a lot and broods about how everyone is being vicious to him.  Which they are so maybe I should go easy on him.  Only I couldn't stand him from the word go - a complete opposite to the Heroine of ARROWS who I thought was nifty and wanted to adopt!  Poor Vanyel, life only gets more traumatic.  Eventually he is sent to a school where he is to become one of the greatest Herald Mages of all time and indeed, the last one.  His powers however are well burried... under layers of angst I assume... and it is only by extreme suffering that they eventually manifest.

In the world of Valdemar you get bonded to another person, which means you are soul tied to him so strongly that his death can lead to your own.  Vanyel discovers his sexuality with a fellow student who bonds with him instantly and then goes off and dies tragically leaving the bundle of self pitty that is our protagonist - positively suicidal... and we are not even half through the first book at this stage.  You see?  when you start at this level of Weltschmertz you have to wonder if it can possibly escalate more

As it happen -It can !!!- but the author really have to wrack her brain in order to pile up the tragedy until it all start to become a bit desperate ... sort of in the same vein as a soap opera but a lot more serious in its attempt.

The disaster leaves Vanyel overwhelmed by his exposed power and curled up into a little ball of pittiful pain.  he is being rescued by a COMPANION, these horse-like creatures can attach themselves to a herald by some form of mental and emotional link and accompany him/her everywhere.  Vanel scores a companion and is now able to cope with his pain just in time for... err... more pain...  ¬_¬

I will forego the plot summary of the books here.  There is an enemy, it is evil, Valdemar is in deep shit as it gets every so often and all the Heral Mages are being topped off systematically resulting in the most irritating contraption in the world of Fantasy EVER  - THE DEATH BELL - to toll in Baudlairian fasion quite frequently... you see... I HATE BAUDLAIR.  He is the so called : "father of tormented poetry!" which is bollocks to begin with because I can think of three Romantic Poets off the top of my head who preceeded him and did "Agony of the Soul" better.  His gothic imagery is in my opinion infentile... or in other words - he writes like a menstrual teenage goth and being the first to do so does not in any way make his poetry even better.  Last Herald Mage just read like an overly stretched Fluer du Mal poem what with that bell tolling in darkness and people sinking regularly into despair.

Somehow after a lot of plot, burdens and difficulty, Vanyel is convinced to stop being so duty bound and hung up on the past and take a new lover but he refuses to let go of the suffering.

In fact by the end of book 3 the author seem to have run of nasty things to put her suffering protagonist through.   You get this notion that Mercedes Lackey sat there chewing her fingernails mumbling: "I have 60 pages to go and I ran out of bad things to drop on Vanyel what shoud I dooooo?... I know!  I WILL GET HIM RAPED BY A BAND OF UNWASHED BANDITS!"  by this stage you as a reader stopped caring... at least I did and I AM a fan of rape as angst driving plot device. 

It gives his new found lover a good excuse to drag his moping arse to some elf-like people where he is left sulking up a tree until his sexual need finally overcomes his trauma... after two days... and he creeps up to get some loving.

At least those Elf things are secure in their homosexuality (ok! OK!!! they are HAWKBROTHERS!!! I confess I only call them elves to annoy other Valdemar fans!) and don't run off to their parents crying: "Why can't you accept that I am GAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"... from which you can learn Lamasu is not a fan of the Gay Coming of Age sub-gnre XD.

Then he is off to kill himself heroically which you knew he would do leaving his lover to live till he is ancient never getting over him.  But at least they are re-united after death leaving them with an eternity in after life to haunt the woods with their atractive ANGSTING!!! 

It is a little bit jarring since you followed Vanyel throughout a big chunk of his life in which he desperately seem to try NOT to get layed even though he looks utterly gorgeous (scaringly with the same eye colour as my older son >_<), and here he is being disposed off with one all mightly BOOM but still... just a BOOM .  Then all those years woosh by and his lover is still waiting to be re-united after death... why are all these pretty men waisting their lives is beyond me.

But you are led to believe that they found happiness in gohstly form.

So that's ok... as long as ghosts have lots of sex ¬_¬

And despite all this I grew to love these books - probably because nothing ever gave me as many snarking opportunities.  In a warped way - it also started me on my road for Valdemar exploration which has more positive crack than any other series I know of and yes- plenty of angst and suffering and someone has to get raped at least once in  a book... but hey - it works for me, probably because I don't sit around trying to sacrifice good fun on the alter of arse-speaking Literary conquests...

There are better books to get to grips with what the west have to offer in terms of gay lit.  A lot of it is written by women a lot of it is hidden on the fantasy and sci fi shelves at your local book store and I mean A LOT!!! And this is even before we start talking about books that SHOULD be gay but never quite dare to take the step of books that are gay but don't realise it yet...

If you are already a Valdemar fan then read it - if not, keep an eye on this space or any other space that might go hunting for Fantasy with gay romance running through it.

A favourite despite me not wanting it to be >_< .

Originally posted in my LJ on 2.5.2007

I have this and the sequel in hard cover and I can see myself buying the third book in the series in hard cover too because to put it mildly: MELUSINE by Sarah Monette is absolutely, utterly and in every way BLOODY BRILLIANT!!! :D:D:D

It doesn't burst the frontiers of fantasy.  There are other gritty fantasies out there with suffering characters, thiefs and wizards, you probably read the plot a million times already in different guises.  No, not really THAT ground breaking but what makes it great in my opinion is the execution.  The writing style and the characters who are at this point - quite surprising.

But more of that in a minute.  First and foremost - don't expect me not to take the piss out of the novel.  When I like a book this much I go into friendly snark mode (as opposed to vicious bitchy snark mode - THERE IS A DIFFEENCE!).  First I must comment on the cover. 

I love it - it has a startled looking semi naked Wizard on it, with long flowing red hair and angst written well into every fibre of his smooth skin.  The thing that bothers me are the tattoos on his arms... yes these are tattoos!  These are not, as I initially thought, the result of a childish party trick!  I mean - it does give you the impression that here wizard drank one too many pints of meade and passed out on the carpet in the wizard tower where his wizard friends, slightly less drunk yet still seriously giggly, scribbled all over him with a felt-tip pen!   If I was one of the wizard I would think of something more clever to scribble than some gaudy vine motif, like : "Felix kisses Donkeys in the alchemy  lab!"  but I am no drunken wizad so, obviously - I lost the opotunity to scribble on naked magical flesh...

So there are no drunken wizards but there are certainly gay one coming complete with oodles of angst which is always nice.  There is also a cat burglar ex- assasin which is also lovely in any book (said the not so objective writer of catburglar gay smut XD)who is also equipt with a good dose of brooding.  They start their tales seperately and those threads slowly merge as the wizard gets used to destroy the magical artifact that seem to keep the entire city of MELUSINE safe and subsiquently sinks into ferocious madness, and the cat burglar gets stamped with a nasty and potentially deadly curse which apparently lay dormant from the time of one of his assasinations. 

The real beauty of the book is, as I pointed out, in the way it is written.  The writer divides the story telling into two points of view.  The Wizard (Felix) talks in a refined and culture manner which occasionally sinks into the ravings of a lunatic.  His insanity takes a great part of the book and done expertly.  The halucinations, some of which are embeded in truth are some of the best I came across with all my explorations of literary madness.  The Theif (Mildmay) speaks in gutter slang complete with foul language and bad grammar.  I liked his tone a lot more because it was so unusual and so unfaltering.  A lot of attempts at slang fall short - this one didn't.  Again - expertly done.

Of the two - I liked the naration tone of Mildmay more and he is by far the more likeable character... which is why I like Felix a hell of a lot more.  I am a sucker for dificult characters and you don't get a lot more difficult than this.  burdened with a nasty past, sunk into utter lunacy, degraded in every possible way with his former haughty and arrogant personality peeking in through the crack.  It isn't a person you end up liking if you meet down the street which in my opinion makes him facinating and very attractive as a character.  Not that Mildmay lacks in things he needs to hide and scars both visible and internal. 

So they are both SCREWED!  And that always makes for good melodrama and brooding - this story packs in a good amount of action as well - in my opinion , which is largly disputed, there isn't a dull moment from the very start.

It takes a long time for their paths to merge, which would have been annoying if their respective stories weren't so interesting (I can't stress enough how much I loved Crazy Felix!) when they do finally come together - it is SIZZLING.  Although, sadly, not in a sexual way.  They turn out to be half brothers and whilst I wouldn't think twice about throwing them in the sack together I am not sure how brave the author of these books is with incest.  She probably never saturated herself in hours of ANGEL SANCTUARY with its magnificent unappologetic siblings incest.  I loveincest as a fictional romantic device even though it can get cheesy and even then: "Oh this love is forbbiden because we are connected by blood" "But our passion is stronger than our wills" "Our bodies are defiled yet our love is so pure!" *angst of DOOM*!  works for me XD.

They take on a journey to a place where Felix can be healed and Mildmay is taken by instant devout loayalty to his broken brother.  But that really is as far as he gets - there doesn't seem to be a gay bone in his body, in fact he spends a good chunk of the early part of the book being hung over this vacant pretty girl who really got on my nerves... she didn't even make a good whore - gah!  Felix favours men, gets massively sexualy abused, dumped by a lover and even manage to get a little lucid moment of perving over his new found brother... I don't know... perhaps there is hope in that department anyway.  I would like there to at least be a mutual sexual tension but it might be a wishful thinking.  Their jouney together makes a fantastic read as Felix dives in and out of touch with reality and Mildmay is clueless much of the time as to what to do with him.

I keep hearing moans about the pacing of the book - namely - it is too slow to begin with and takes ages to get going. 

I have big issues with the notion of PACING.  Whenever I hear this word in relation to a novel I cringe painfully inside.  It is one of the ills of the publishing industry and the writing classes that they managed to convince so many readers that plot developement have to advance according to set parameters.  There aren't any graphs for this, people!  At least not yet but I am sure many of you out there would love to make an already drearyly samey industry more dreary and samey :p  I personally believe that pacing is bollocks - A novel developes according to how the author chooses to develope it and if it isn't QUITE as expected than ,yes, I go WTF as much as the next person but keep reading... more than once there was a perfectly good reason why a story started very fast or very slow - it would be boring if every plot was timed with a stop-watch!  In this case - the pace suited me just fine. I couldn't see why so many people moaned about it. I guess that like in everything else - it is a matter of personal taste.

One aspect that DID amuse me was how much the characters tend to fly off the handle at the slightest irritation.  No one seem to have any patience at all.  In fact, if you are a BL fan - they all act like Yaoi Bishounen ... which endeared them to me all the more.  You know the kind of behaviour I mean?  " He doesn't want to see me?  It must be because I am a low-scum who slapped him a bit when he went wussy on me as we were about to drown and ... and ... I called him names!  I DON'T DESEVE TO LIVE!!! I shall curl up in my bed and stop eating for a DAYS!"  or : "I am sorry!  I am a bit traumatized by butt-rape so if you don't mind I much rather sob in the corner than make love."  "How dare you reject me!  Get out of here and never return!  I SHALL NOW GO OFF AND SHAG THE CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD! and tell you all about it in the morning so you will be sorry!"

You see?

Brilliant stuff.  I mock it because it is just so good... I still hove no idea why I do that.  Honest... you may send suggestions in the post XD

It is gritty and sharp and angsty and sexy and just plain sweeping.  Beautifully written and down right good indulgent fun.   Makes it worth making a comeback into fantasy reading ^_^ .

I will now be off to read the second installment of this series and then report about it too.  Didn't even start it and already I can't wait for part three!

Originally posted in my LJ on 30.4.2007

You see - no one is GAY in yaoi - they just men who like to fuck other men.  THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!   Usually they are raging heterosexuals who suddenly find themselves in love with just one man and the angst stemming from that is endless before our characters succumb to the inevitable and declare that love is love and the sex of the subject of that love doesn't matter as long as there is love, love, love, love, love a little more love,  some love to top it all and.... err... shit loads of steamy "set the bed on fire" but-sex!

Gender barriers can only break for that one special person in YaoiLand.

That one special person in CLOSE THE LAST DOOR is Saitoh a fellow salaryman who the ever-so-strait Nagai just happen to fall in love with.   The story starts in a Saitoh's wedding where heartbroken Nagai is drinking down the bar in an attempt to drown his despair.  There, after 20 or so pints of Sake too many (those manga salarymen can really chug it down!) he meets Honda - who claims to be the bride's ex boyfriend.  They exchange business cards as Salarymen do just in time for Nagai to finally collapse on the floor due to slight Sake brain saturation.  Honda being the raging heterosexual that he is - takes him to a hotel room where after a flimsy attempt to sober up they end up groping earnestly on the bed... drinking more beer... then filling the room with the steam of their man groping once more.

In the morning Nagai escapes blaming his accidental homosexuality on the alcohol only to find out that Saitoh wife abandoned him on their wedding night and run off with a lover!  In a fit of heterosexual gealousy Nagai decides she ran off with Honda the man he doesn't want to have drunken fondling session with ever again... no way... NO!... oh well... maybe only ... say... a few hundreds of times! ¬_¬

As it happen Honda was indeed to busy groping something very removed from female kind the night before to run off with someone else's wife.  Nagai relief has nothing to do with the Gay of course!

AND to complicate matters upon comforting Saitoh with the aid of few pints of strong sake his subject of reluctant infatuation pounce Nagi and comence to strip him down and nipple twick him forcefully... which he responds to of course but this is ok - this isn't gay at all because Saitoh is the one man he is allowed to desire because he is in love with him!

Which doesn't explain why he takes off in confused panic into the arms of Honda ...

And thus starts the tale of a drunken love triangle when men are not gay they just like fucking other men and they blame it all on alcohol even when they didn't have a drop of the stuff before they jack each other off in the doorway.

It is all very amusing and actually really sweet.  There are a few women in the background but they are superfluous because this is a story about Three Men in a Closet. They constantly deny their own sexuality even when it slaps them in the face, crawl into their pants and give them a blow job. 

I had the book ever since it came out in English (I tend to attempt buying all the Yaoi that comes out in English which I do not yet have in Japanese) and I was not entirely thrilled to recieve it - I am an obssesive collector and a lot of the translated yaoi is not to my taste.  I didn't like the art that much since everyone looks more or less the same distinguished only by their hair colour and their various hights (this is how you know Nagai will probably end up as Uke to Honda and Seme to Saitoh... but since Saitoh was the one initiating nipple-tuning I am getting confused). 

They also tend to have really huge sticky out ears... but it all grew on me because I tend to love Salarymen smut and even though the smut was not rife in this one it was still the same swirling tale of working men who don't like their jobs, drink too much and can't wait to get out of their suit and tie.  It brings out the sexiness of the ordinary, overworked, alcoholic smoker.  Very removed from what one would consider sexy in real life which just drives forth the point:  THIS IS A FANTASY - NOT A LIFE STYLE!!!

There are several books in the series but their order confused me so I will just wait for their English release despite them being translated by DMP who read a little like scanlation to impress me.  Still - the story is great and feels very tongue in cheek because the "I am not gay!" aspect is just so comically overdone along with the other jokes.

The reason I remembered this now is that the OAV is out and now has subtitles, so you can go and hunt it down. It isn't as nearly as good as the manga.  Apart from that whiny and unconvincing drunken cry: Ore Wa Homo Ja Naaaaaiiiiii!!!! "I am not GAAAAAAYYYYY!!!"

Yeah - of course you are not - you just want to hump anything male in a suit!  That's ok!  WE UNDERSTAND!!! ^_^ .

Originally posted in my LJ on 4.4.2007

Oh it is hard for me to review ANYTHING by Lemons and Cream simply because it brings out the worst fangirl in me.  If I wasn't to exert any self control here the review will read something like: " SQUEE!!! The story is just...*swoons* ... the characters...*nosebleed*... Yumyum!... Illustrations *faint on carpet*!!!"

Thankfully for all of you - I have just returned from the rainy outside where I was shopping for baby food without an ambrela and for all intents and purposes - it worked like a cold shower.  Which is something I desperately need when faced with Lemons and Cream creation.

Let me tell you briefly how it all started:  I was sitting at home waiting for my flute teacher to arrive.  I was bored with the internet, Live Journal annoyed me and I ran out of books to read.  I gave LJ another try before I was to burn it at the stake.  One of the Lemons and Cream girls posted a link to their  SITE on a yaoi community. 

I decided to give it a go.  Back then the only stories where THE LITTLE WITCH MALAKEL and I clicked the first one with a jaded look on my face... which lasted exactly two seconds.

Without spoiling anything to you - I was faced with the best example of sex with a pumpkin... and I don't mean with the pumpkin as a sex toy... there was also a cat... and if you told me it the way I am doing now I would have told you you are utterly sick and depraved and scowled at you... before running to read it secretly.  Honestly - it was sexy and funny and sweet and OH-SO-SMUTTY!  I was so flustered by the end of it that when my teacher finally arrived she was sure I had the fever.  Explaining THAT was a bit awkward... I mean - I couldn't say: "I just read this erotic story about a beautiful Uke Withch and his Seme Pumpkin... and his cat... let me just go upstairs and have a cold shower!"  ... it was the most awkward flute lesson of my life and I was utterly besotted with Lemons and Cream ever since.

So when they started producing printed stuff I was in heaven.  So from Camilla Bruce and Liv Lingborn, the girls that made me want to molest pumpkins comes BEASTS - the third instalment in print (and e-book if you insist) ...

... and this one has a WHORE!!! :D:D:D

Xavier, a young and handsome lawyer, is engaged to be married... to a woman... It is christmas eve and he is standing in the snow waiting for his christmas present.  This year he is going to give himself a night with the prostitute who gives his boss that little extra thing at lunchtime every wednsday. (those of you who have been asking for ipod were obviously requesting the wrong presents!).

A MALE prostitute of course.  A beatiful blonde man in leather trousers and leapard skin fur coat he calls BEAST and cannot get out of his mind.

The problem is that he doesn't know how to solicit a prostitute and here start that magic that is Lemons and Cream with an awkward meeting in a back alley in which Xavier fumbles with the new experience of picking up hookers... and instead of being dirty it turns out to be dirty and SWEET!  Everything this team touches always end up to be like a smutty gay fairytale, balancing the innocence and eroticism perfectly making it all the more sexy.

They come to an arrangement in which our clueless lawyer will be exploring his sexuality with an hourly rate and here starts a tale which the cover describes as "pretty woman" go gay... thankfully without wanting to punch Julia Roberts in the face or punch a hole in Richard Gear and even more thankfuly without symbolic flossing to denote the inner purity of the whore.

This whore is NOT innocent.  He knows how it works, he is realistic, practiced, in control... at least he think he is...

As the night lengthen and the bill grows our protagonists discover each other, rediscover themselves, break all the rules, fall in love ... and of course... have tons of steamy smex.  REALLY steamy smex.

If I was to pretend to be a serious arty farty critic I would mention the way colours and smells contribute to the atmosphere and how the writing is simple and perfect just like the story and how the art is both sweet and erotic.  There is a lot of description of scents which can make you dizzy with desire and tastes that make you hungry and colours that draw you in and it all ends up in a sensual swirl even before anyone reached to the lube and started talking dirty... but I am not an arty farty critic so I won't say it even though it is all true... errr... oops XD

And yes there is art.  As always - breathtaking and there is plenty of it.  The illustrations are sizling so have a tissue near by because nosebleeding is inevetable.  Liv Lingborn men are sensual enough to eat off the page... I tried and it didn't quite work.  I mean look at the cover!  LOOK AT HIM! Look at that tarty pose and solemn face combo.  I swore I won't go fangirlish but *melts* It gets worse when they get naked (and they DO!!! oh how naked do they get!). With a story telling that demands regular cold shower... Well - you have a winner here!  :D:D:D


The ending is one of those ending that in a genre ruled by lovable cliche still manage to escape  any.  I was surprised and moved and excited.  It is a BRILLIANT ending.  I want you all to read it so I can squee with someone without blowing up a big SPOILER .

One last thing I must mention - the things those boys do with honey... I mean - you already made pumpkin shopping on halloween bloody awkward for me and NOW I can't even make honey on toast for my children without feeling hot all over... YOU MESS WITH MY REAL LIFE... in a good way... THANKOU ^_^ .

Buy  BEASTS as well as other L&C delights at Lulu.com shop .  Lulu.com are fast and reliable and print some of my all time favourites... Lemons and Cream stuff included.

It is a slim book but it crams in a rollercoaster of emotions and erotica, smut and sweetness. A   story that spans one night and a day in a book that stays on my shelves forever ...near the other two L&C books - they look so beautiful in a line... and they want more company.

So more more more please ^_^

Originally posted in my LJ on 23.4.2007